Should I use the mask once again... ?

AW.. This is the first time I have the same visitors from Spain and the United States.
Thanks for reading me ^^ (and sorry for my grammatical errors, it's embarrassing)

Today I'd like to thank Mr. D for sending me an sms after reading my update about how was the manga event. That person told me that there were people in the world who think about me, and remember of my existence. I think you're the only one person who read always my updates so I think you deserve this mention. Today I wonder if what he said was really truth...

Let me give you an explanation. Yesterday night I had a strange dream. It's been years since I can't remember clearly my dreams but lately I do remember some of them. (lately is 1 month more or less).

The main topic of the dream I had was loneliness. In my dream, everything was dark and there were two Fatimas. One of them looked like the Fatima of some years ago, and the other one looked like the actual me. It was just as if one was telling to the other "open your eyes, you've been always alone, can't you see it?". All people I know were walking around me, but it was as if no one could see me there. Everyone keeped on living happily and no one realised that I wasn't there anymore.

Obviously it was just a dream, probabily produced because of some hard experiences in the past, but I started thinking about it.

I think real life is pretty similar to my dream. Who really cares? I think no one. I tried to open my heart to strange people who comes to me smiling. Tried my best to get on well with everyone, tried my best to be loved by others and I'm actually still thinking about how could I waste my time that way.
Is someone like me really made to be loved?

I've been just like running away from that truth. If I die, will someone really care?

However I tried to be positive. Whenever I have strengh enough to get closer to someone, that person at the end always goes far away from me. At last we get sepparate ways. It's impossible not getting a distance from me as the time passes..

Even those who I actually call friends and are still supposed to be "close" to me.. are they really my friends? What is friendship? Why do they never call me to go out? If It's not me who purposes a place to go, no one will invite me. Am I such a boring person? Is it because of my long silence?
Maybe there's something wrong with me. Is it my personallity? I've been always told that I'm "different" from other people, but am I such a weird person? do I have such an odd behaviour?

Is it my appearence? Even If I try my best to make new friends the same thing happens.
Getting online and most of the times no one talks to me. Even if I try to have a conversation, most of the times, it doesn't success.

Maybe the best solution is dressing up a mask once again and not letting anyone to get into my world.
I can't understand many things right now. Maybe I'm just perturbed because of the dream I had last night.

Maybe tomorrow I'll read this same update and I'll regret for publishing it and showing a hidden part of me.

Probabily I was made to be alone.
Who cares?

Someday I'll finish this degree, prepare my luggage and fly so far away. I'll try a new life from 0 right then. But Will I be able to quit off the mask.. ?

3 comentarios:

Mitsuki dijo...

p.s. I'm pathetic.

# Soяα # dijo...

I think you're the only one person who read always my updates so I think you deserve this mention. ---> Thank you girl! :)

Someties I think that go to a spico. isn't as good as you think. You continue with the same kind of mind and thinking about you.

About your dream, I told you all I though yesterday.

Have a nice dream ~

Mitsuki dijo...

I don't think so.
Wel.. not at all.
xD aw, first THANK YOU for caring about me *_*
About myself, the thoughts I have actually are pretty better than before. I'm absolutely sure about that. I feel better with myself and I like me. I think I'm a good person, I have many virtudes, I'm a bit intelligent, comprensive, etc. etc. I'm good as I am. And abou my body, I like it more than time ago. I'm not fat nor too thing. I'm perfect (but I could look better). I'm tanned skin and I like it. Many forms of my face, my hands, my nose. I like myself. But maybe people don't look at me the same way I see myself.
When It looks as if everyone was taking a distance with me, I start thinking about this kind of stuff. Maybe my behavour isn't liked by others.

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Estudiante de traducción e interpretación. Probablemente la persona más torpe que puedas conocer y que más horas duerme cuando tiene la ocasión haciéndole así la competencia a Penélope Cruz. Alias: pequeña marmota.

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